At the end of last year I had to join the RAC while stood by the side of the M1 motorway. It was entirely my fault – if I’d had the key for my locking wheel nuts I could have changed my own tyre.
It cost about £260 for the membership, emergency call out, garage costs and a new tyre.
I got a bit bored one evening so I decided to try and get some kind of refund……….
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From: Mat Davis
Sent: Sunday, December 27, 2009 9:56 PM
Subject: Help ! I have hypothermia and anosmia.
Dear The RAC,
I would really appreciate it if you could forward this to someone high up in the RAC, which, as you are the “Royal” Automobile Club, I assume is the Queen.
On the evening of 10/12/2009 I was travelling northbound on the M1 when my car suffered a puncture (right in the tyre).At about 6.40 I phoned the RAC and joined on the spot. I was informed that there would be an additional £65 emergency callout charge, which made me feel quite hopeful that help would arrive soon.
About an hour later The RAC Man arrived. Now I appreciate that I should be punished (financially or otherwise) for having the audacity to drive without breakdown cover, but I think you need to rename the “emergency” call out charge to something less evocative of urgency (so as to avoid disappointment). Perhaps the “that’ll teach you charge” or the “oooh, you’ll think twice before you do that again charge”.
He then spent half an hour trying, and failing, to remove the locking wheel nut (I do not have the key, admittedly my fault, and I have been punishing myself ever since by allowing myself to only eat food I don’t like – mostly sprouts, liver and Shipham’s crab paste). At this point I had spent the best part of 2 hours stood in the cold alongside a busy motorway in the dark. According to statistics, which I may have made up, the average length of time for a car on the hard shoulder to be hit by another vehicle is 12 minutes, so by rights my car should have been hit 10 times already and had I been sitting in the car I would be dead 10 times (which is enough to kill even a cat with it’s 9 lives). Somehow, I managed to avoid this, possibly due to my shrewd decision not to bring a cat with me. After giving up, The RAC Man then tried to find a garage to fix my tyre problem, then had me fill out a customer satisfaction survey – frankly I was so giddy that my cat wasn’t dead, that I gave full marks all round.
He ordered a recovery vehicle to come and collect myself and my car and left me back on the hard shoulder. The time by now was about 8.45 (I’m sketchy on the details as hypothermia had well and truly taken hold by this point).
During this time I was visited by a craft with flashing lights and beings with glowing yellow clothing. I cannot be certain, but I suspect that these were representatives from another planet as I could not understand what they were saying and they kept shining lights in my face. Or they might have been from the Highways Agency. Again, it seems that hallucination is often a side effect of hypothermia, so I have no idea who they really were, they kept phoning me too, which further supports my theory that they were not of this world. I have seen the film E.T. and the alien in that (I forget his name) was obsessed with the phone.
I digress.
At 10.00 the recovery vehicle turned up and loaded my car, we then travelled for an hour to a garage near my destination. The recovery man was very nice (I didn’t tell him about the aliens – didn’t want to worry him) I did tell him that I worried about Walt Disney as he has had his head cryogenically frozen and, having spent nearly 4 hours freezing myself, I thought Walt might have suffered some long lasting effect from being frozen (I, for example, have completely lost my sense of smell from just those few hours). I suspect Mr.Disney may have lost his ability to draw, and not just because he has no arms, legs or body, I don’t think he’ll even be one of those mouth painters that make the charity Christmas cards.
Anyway, when we got to the garage, the mechanics there made me a cup of tea and swapped my punctured tyre for the space saver, in turn, I attempted to swap my alien story, for their mechanic services, but they insisted on monetary recompense.
I got to my hotel at 12.45am, cold, hungry and tired (and tyred).
I had to get up early the next morning to buy a proper tyre and get to my dull meeting about databases.
In light of the fact that I spent over 3 and a half hours stood by a busy motorway on a cold, dark night (and should definitely have been killed by traffic 21 times (statistically) and could also have been abducted by aliens), please could I have some kind of refund ?
Or failing that, could you change the name of the “emergency call out fee” to the “ha ha ha you should have joined up outside Tesco while you had the chance fee” ?
Or failing that, could I at least have my membership card and documents which I am still waiting for ?
I’m afraid I cannot give you my membership number as I don’t yet have my documents, (did I mention that ? ) but my address is :
Mathew Davis
xxxxxxxxxx
Christchurch,
Dorset.
Many thanks,
Mat Davis
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Well, yesterday I had a call from the RAC and they have agreed to refund £30 of the emergency call out fee.
I had quite a chat with a nice man who was very concerned about the Extraterrestrial aspect of my experience. It was probably the most unusual phone conversation I have had at work.
Although I am happy to get a small refund, I am considering the offer and may write again to see if I can get them to sweeten the deal by including a glove puppet of a frog.
Mat's bloggy thing 